Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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