my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
