Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
