I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
