i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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