btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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