if i can run in heels then i can drive
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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