terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
