I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
