just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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