oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
