I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
