Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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