at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you never un-have a 4some
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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