u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
