I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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