We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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