I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
