i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize