I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
