1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
