He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
