We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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