someone get that fucking seahorse.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
