just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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