I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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