he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The air taste purple.
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