I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize