I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize