If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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