You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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