i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize