I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
