she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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