Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
