my phone needs a breathalizer
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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