so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and she was petting her beer can
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
