Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
