I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
