just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
