Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
