You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
