Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
