I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
