you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
