Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
this hospital has no fireball
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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