My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
