I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
