im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
