my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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