Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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