She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
