My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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