So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
