dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
