You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
