I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
