Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize