and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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