Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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