i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
