so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
