ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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