I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
