we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Send help, water and tortillas.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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