I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
