i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
