It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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