Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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