what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
