what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
