You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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