i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
