I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
