Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
